Sunday, September 27, 2026

Hit It Or Not? DOA Edition

The Dead Or Alive series has always been filled with smoking hot polygonal beauties.  It almost makes you wonder, if these ladies were real, would you have a chance with them?  And if you did have a shot, would you go for it?  Yep.  We're getting DEEP into nerd territory this time.

Now then, I'll be looking only at the ladies who are in the mainline games.  No Xtreme Volleyball exclusives.  Also, no guest characters outside of the Ninja Gaiden girls.  So, no Mai, Pai, Sarah, Il Naotara, and definitely no Kula.  Also, no NPCs.  This could get long, so grab some food and put the kids to bed.  Get ready to dive in.

Alpha-152


Well, we're starting off with quite a doozy.  A naked Kasumi clone with a see-through body.  This leads to a disturbing question.  If you would hit, how would you go about it?  Does she even have lady parts?  On top of that, her little groans are creepy.  Imagine her making those sounds while you're pounding her.  Yikes!

Her personality?  What personality?  Kill anybody who wanders into your lab is not a personality.  It's a disorder crammed into a science experiment gone wrong.

Her wardrobe doesn't matter.  Are they actually clothes that have taken on the properties of her body or a manipulation of her body to give the appearance of clothing?  Either way, none of it is sexy or even cute.  It's kind of...eww.

Nudity has never been less sexy than this.

Verdict:  No.  Just no.

Ayane


Hey, it's my favorite character.  I wonder how this is going to go.  She has a unique look that gives her an otherworldly beauty while somehow still being conventionally attractive.

In terms of personality, she's quite uneven.  She's either super cold or playful and immature.  This could be annoying if you're looking for more than a one-night stand.

She has a number of wardrobes that either make her look cool, sexy, or cool and sexy.  And when she wears her shortalls, it's going to be hard to kick her out of the bedroom.

Dem overalls, though.

Verdict:  Why not, especially if she's in a good mood.  Not marriage material but definitely hit-worthy.

Christie


Mature, sexy, deadly.  These words instantly come to mind when thinking about Christie.  She's a woman who knows what buttons to push and when to push them.  This isn't just for sex appeal.  It's so she can get close to her targets and kill them.  Her white hair makes her look older than she really is, but at least she's an adult.

Her personality is one where you don't know what you're getting.  Is she really into you or is she trying to manipulate you for some other purpose?  You'll never know until you wake up dead.  On the other hand, she's the one lady in DOA that I'm sure isn't a virgin.  I have no proof of this, but you can just sense it.  She has two body counts; people she's killed and people she's screwed.

Her outfits are mostly sexy.  Even some of her more conservative outfits have a level of sexiness to them.  What else would you expect from a seductress like her?

Christie can certainly get you going in this outfit.

Verdict: No.  She's sexy, but it'd be too risky.

Helena


She's beautiful, rich, and can sing.  Helena is the type of woman who is simply out of your league.  She likely hangs out in places the average person can't get into unless they are working security.  Yet, it seems like a guy like Zack might have a chance with her, so all hope isn't lost.

Personality-wise, she's a go-getter with a strict schedule.  Between singing opera, running DOATEC, training to fight, and making constant trips to the salon (you have to work to maintain her type of beauty), she probably doesn't have a lot of free time.  So, when she gives you the call, you WILL answer.
  
Her wardrobe has a lot of stuff really stands out.  This is someone who wants to be seen.  She has outfits that are classy, sexy, or classy and sexy.  And, that clamshell bikini...damn.

Holy crap!  This outfit.

Verdict:  Yep, but you only get one shot.  Don't waste it.

Hitomi


Possibly the most realistic lady, Hitomi has that "girl next door" charm.  She's hot, but not too hot.  There are definitely prettier ladies in DOA.  She gives off the whole "I'm cute but can still whup your ass" vibe.  And you'll take an ass whuppin' just to stay near her.

In terms of personality, she seems like the type of lady who can go whatever way you want to go.  If you want a friend to just chill and play videogames with, she's your gal.  If you're looking for something more serious, she's still your gal.  And she can cook, too.  She'd be good in the friendzone, the bedroom, and everywhere in between.

In terms of outfits, her wardrobe is a lot like her personality.  She can kick it in town in regular clothes.  She can go to the beach and set your thighs on fire in a pink thong.  She can explore the jungle with you in a safari outfit.  She can spar with you in a gi.  Hitomi is ready for whatever you're down for.

Hitomi's best outfit is rough-and-tumble sexy.

Verdict:  Yep.  At first, I wasn't feeling her, but she's cool.  You can hang out with her or date her.

Honoka


Look out!  It's everyone's favorite big-breasted schoolgirl, Honoka.  I could see her being the future face of the franchise.  She has the looks and, in terms of fighting skills, she has the potential to have a nice story crafted around her.

Her personality is a good one.  She's honest, eager, bubbly, and innocent.  She's not very mature, though.  Not the airhead that Kokoro is, not as uneven as Ayane, but probably purer than either of them.

Her wardrobe is another story.  She has some good stuff, but she doesn't have any stunners.

A nice outfit for Honoka.

Verdict:  Yeah.  She's got charm, personality, and obvious appeal.

Kasumi


The face of the franchise and what a beautiful face it is.  A runaway ninja who's high in skills and even higher in assets, what's not to like about Kasumi?

Well...maybe her personality is a little bland.  Her type has been done ad nauseum.  You know the type.  The gentle girl who says, "I don't want to kick your ass, but I'm still going to."  She also strikes me as the type who wouldn't just go around dropping her panties for any random guy.  She doesn't have time for bullshit.  If you aren't looking for anything serious, don't even bother approaching her.

Her wardrobe has everything.  Cool, sexy, serious, cute, whatever you want, Kasumi has it.

Kasumi's wardrobe has whatever you're up for.

Verdict:  When is the wedding?

Kokoro


Kind of an airhead, Kokoro seems like she'd be difficult to get into bed.  On top of that, she seems to be a more traditional Japanese girl, so she won't just lay with anyone.  But this means you're getting a very loyal woman.

In terms of her personality, I would sum her up in one word; innocent.  She seems like an airhead, but the girl isn't necessarily dumb or slow.  There are probably just some things she genuinely doesn't understand.  Maybe she was sheltered as a kid.  Some believe the whole airhead thing is just her trolling, but who is she trolling?  The player?  The other characters?  Herself?  

Her wardrobe leans traditional, but she has some contemporary stuff, too.  She has kimonos and martial arts gear, but she also has running gear and some sultry dresses.  She also has a quite a few school uniforms.

Kokoro leans more sensible than sexy.

Verdict: Yeah, but you'll have to take it slow with her.  5-10 dates, maybe a proposal and she's all yours.

Lei Fang


Originally, the woman I thought was the hottest in the series, Lei Fang has always been attractive to me.  All she wants to do is bag a dragon, so you have to be tough to date her.  Are you tough enough for her?  Do you want to be?

Personality-wise, she can be petty.  Her whole deal is, "Jann Lee saved me, so I have to whup his ass to show I didn't need his help."  And she's been doing this for years, so at least she's loyal.  But she can be pretty cute when she's with her friends, having some cute poses with Hitomi and Virtua Fighter's Pai Chan.  And she's college-educated, so she's smart.

As for her wardrobe, she has some of my favorite outfits in the series.  Some of them are freaking sexy, too.  Like the one where she wears nothing but a pair of short shorts and suspenders with no top.  Ice water, please.  And her black leather outfit is a stunner in all its iterations.

Why Lei Fang gotta do it like that?

Verdict: Yep, provided you don't have to save her life and turn her into a stalker.

Lisa


A luchador and a scientist?  Is there anything Lisa can't do?  Yeah.  Be ugly.

Lisa seems like a smart, serious woman.  After all, she is a scientist.  But she also seems like a party girl.  I have no proof of this, but her fighting style makes it seem like she's having fun.  And while she may not be the life of the party, she knows how to relax when she's not at the lab.

Her wardrobe will grab your attention.  Whether she's wearing flashy luchador outfits or barely wearing anything in one of her seven million swimsuits, your eyes will be drawn to her.  She stands out in the best way possible.  But she knows when it's time to be professional and put on a lab coat, as well.

Lisa tends to leave very little to the imagination.

Verdict: Hell yeah.  Sista fine.

Marie Rose


Here she is, this supposedly 18-year-old woman who looks and acts like she's 12.  To me, Marie Rose is the epitome of the whole being less than the sum of its parts.  I like parts of Marie Rose, but I'm not really a fan of the complete product.  I like the twintails, but dislike the childlike appearance.  I like the wardrobe but dislike her childlike personality.

Marie Rose has the potential to be a surprise behind closed doors.  You know the type.  She might act all kiddie in public, but once you get her in the bedroom, she's a wildcat.  And you'll have the scratches to prove it.  But even if that was the case, I just wouldn't be able to get there with her.  At most, I just want to pat her on the head and send her to bed with a glass of milk and some apple slices.

Her wardrobe is interesting.  Goth-loli outfits, frilly swimsuits, cat-eared sweaters, etc.  It's filled with things your best friend's weird little sister might wear.  I like some of her stuff, but there's not a sexy outfit to be found.  She's going for cuteness, not sex appeal and that's okay.  Everyone can't be a bombshell.

Marie Rose lacks sex appeal but has loads of cuteness.

Verdict: No.  Her looks and personality are too big of a barrier to overcome, even if she IS 18.

Mila


There is great potential with Mila.  She's cute, fit, and energetic.  She's not super sexy, but grinding against that firm, fit body could be fun.

In terms of her personality, she seems like the type who would take it slow.  3-5 dates should be enough to get her into the bedroom.  And because she's an athlete, the sex is going to be mind-blowing.  She's going to want to screw out all that post-fight stress.

Her outfits tend to be normal or athletic.  Outside of her swimsuits, there's not really anything sexy in there.  Just normal and/or functional clothes.

Sportswear is Mila's jam.

Verdict: Yep.  The temptation to reduce her to a quivering puddle would be too much to resist.

Momiji


I like to think of Momiji as a sexy version of Kokoro.  Whereas Kokoro leans more into beauty, Momiji leans toward being hot.

Her personality seems nice.  I could be wrong, but she seems like she'd be gentle, supportive, and loyal, all good qualities for a wife.

Her wardrobe is a nice mix of professional and sexy.  She has lots of ninja gear and a decent amount of swimwear.  Her shrine maiden and school uniform both have sexy surprises for the observant.

Momiji's shrine maiden outfit is...surprising.

Verdict: Yeah.  Just don't ask why she's covered in demon blood when she comes home at night.

NiCO


She's smart.  She's cute.  She's...the only character Marie Rose calls a kid.  Well, that's not good.  She doesn't really have assets.  That also isn't good.  But dat death scream, though.

Personality-wise, she's extremely smart.  After all, she brought Raidou back to life as a cyborg and warped Kula Diamond into her lab out of thin air.  If you were to date her, she'd probably spend the whole time thinking about her next experiment or making you feel stupid.  All this to say she's smart AND a bitch.

There's nothing too sexy in her wardrobe.  There's some skimpy stuff in there, but nothing that's going to set off your hormones.  In a word, her wardrobe is cute.  You'll look, but you probably won't get turned on.  Her fake school uniform is cool, though.

Can't lie, I'm feeling this outfit.

Verdict: Theoretically, she is dateable.  In reality, probably not.  She's far too thorny.

Nyotengu


She must have been downing lots of Red Bull to get those wings.  Nyotengu is a gender-bent bombshell who loves to drink.  A date with her could be high risk, high reward.

She's a more sensual character who might be kind of scary in the bedroom.  I could see her being into S/M to the point of legit torture.  Those wings also bring the potential of joining the mile-high club outside of getting on a plane.  But she might drop you when she's done, leaving you as a naked, quivering, ecstasy-filled splat on the ground.

Her wardrobe is filled with tight and/or revealing clothes.  That's it.  If you want to see it, she'll show it.  She is sex appeal disguised as a person with wings.  A trip to Old Navy wouldn't hurt her.

Nyotengu spreads her wings in sexy clothes.

Verdict:  No.  The wings make for great possibilities, but ultimately, she's too risky.

Phase 4


She's a clone...but she's hot.  Phase 4 will confuse the heck out of your libido.  She looks like Kasumi, so you'll want to go for it.  But she's a clone, so who knows what you're going to get if you manage to get her in the bedroom.  Does she even have lady parts?  Clones don't really have a need for such things, after all.

As for her personality, I assume she'd act like Kasumi, but you'll catch her slipping from time to time.  Maybe every now and then she'd do something Kasumi wouldn't do under normal circumstances.  She would act like Kasumi, but something would be off.

In terms of outfits, she doesn't seem to have any normal clothes.  Her bodysuit is pretty much the highlight of her wardrobe.  Nothing is going to blow your mind, but she does have a few libido-stirrers in there.

Nobody can wear bloomers like Phase 4.

Verdict:  Why when you could just have Kasumi?  But if Kasumi isn't putting out...

Rachel


I like to view Rachel as a more mature version of Hitomi.  Where Hitomi says, "I'm cute and can kick your ass", Rachel says "I'm sexy and can kick your ass".

Her personality seems intimidating.  She's big, strong, and tough.  She might be difficult to approach, perhaps completely unapproachable.  But, she also seems like a woman who can turn on the charm if the right guy has the courage to make a move.

Her wardrobe has some hot stuff in it, but it has a lot of weird stuff in it, too.  Her crop top and shorts outfit is pretty much at the top of the pile.

Rachel can turn up the heat when necessary.

Verdict: No.  She's hot, but if something goes wrong, things could get very bad in a hurry.

Tamaki


Tall, beautiful, and ladylike, I view Tamaki in the same light as Kokoro and Momiji.  She's a traditional Japanese woman with good manners.  Of course, I have no way to prove that, but that's what she seems like.

In terms of personality, she's gentle and well-mannered.  She also seems you the type of woman who can insult in a way where you don't know you've been insulted.  You'll know she said something crazy to you, but you won't know what it was.  She probably can't make a sandwich to save her life, but she'll give it her best shot.  In other words, she's wife material.

Her wardrobe is solid.  She has decent variety.  There's nothing too dangerous in there.

Tamaki is at her best in traditional clothes.

Verdict: Yeah, why not?

Tina


"Daddy's little girl" is probably the best phrase to describe Tina.  Anybody who wants to plow her is likely going to have to go through daddy dearest first.  If you think you can survive a good flexing, then go for it.

Her personality seems flirty.  She's the type who will play games, just to see how far you're willing to go before she pulls rug from under you, sending you home with blue balls.  But if you stick with it, she'll eventually put out for real.

Her wardrobe is mostly flashy and sexy, with a few normal outfits sprinkled in for variety.  And let's not forget about her wealth of assets in the chest region, which a lot of her outfits show off.

Tina's always ready to rustle up some sexiness. 

Verdict:  Depends on if you have the courage to fight off Bass AND the patience to play games with her.

And there it is.  Every lady in DOA and whether or not they are hit-worthy.  But this all just one man's opinion.  Which DOA ladies would you date?  Which ones would you pass on?  Unleash your inner-nerd in the comments section.

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